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September 11, 2020

Nobody will be able to 'come to Brazil' and it's probably a good job for MIBR, who will struggle to qualify. Oh, and Counter-Strike is happening.

What would you do with $1.65M?

Illustration by Crash_ Source: 1PV

Girl walks up to me, and says, what you driving? I say, Bugatti.

At least, you could say that, if you had the money Cloud9 just spunked on the best player ever to come out of England (tallest midget, happiest FaZe fan, etc). For the $1.65M deal that brought ALEX from France to the United States of America, you could get a damn nice car. Or a house. Or, if you know where to look, a new girlfriend.

Not that we would.

Before you go all 'give soldiers footballers gamers wages' on us, let's take it back a bit. The rumoured buyout for ALEX's contract was $600,000, and the contract is a 3 year one. Now, that would leave just over $1m over three years, or around $350,000 a year.

Don't get us wrong, $6,700 a week is a lot of money. Money that we never thought would be commonplace for a video game player back when we had our Game Boys, or Sega Genesis'.

It does make you wonder though - how much is NiKo on? How much is s1mple on? Why do I care so much?

There were rumours a while back that Cloud9 didn't want to invest in their CS:GO team and their LoL team was the one they wanted to splurge on, but this is a sure sign of intent. And they might as well, 'cause their League of Legends team soiled the bedsheets pretty badly and missed out on Worlds.

Can't miss out on Worlds if you're in FLASHPOINT and there's no relegation.

We've also agreed with messioso of North, and if all the CS teams come out and release their salaries, so will we at TLDR. Spoiler alert though: it's mostly coins we find down the back of our parents sofa, the occasional pint and far, far too many crisps.


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Rio Major cancelled, MIBR saved?

It happened. The thing we were all expecting to happen, and that PeeKay predicted.

We hoped it wouldn't happen, but it did anyway. Sort of like when you're one-deaged on an anti-eco...

By the looks of things, 2020 will be the first year since 2013 with no Major. In an announcement by Valve, the event was confirmed to be postponed indefinitely, as the Covid-19 rages on. We could say we told you so, so that's what we're going to do.

We. Told. You. So.

In other news, Valve decided that all the teams that used the Coaching Bug during the last RMR tournament are going to have their points reset. Since Heroic didn't use it in RMR the only teams to get the point deduction hammer are MIBR and Hard Legion - but let's be real - chances are they would have missed the event by sheer incompetence anyway. Kind of ironic if you think about it.


Counter-Strike! Counter-Strike is happening!

There's been a lot going on in Pro League, so we've TLDR'd it down for you. Aren't we bloody great?

  • ENCE are crushing it. Leaving NaVi, G2 and Heroic in their wake makes an embarrassing loss to GODSENT look less worrying. No matter what Aleksib fanboys tell you, ENCE are pretty good.
  • s1mple is like, really good. He's the highest rated player in the EU Pro League, and he's 0.13 over 2nd place blameF. NaVi join ENCE at the top of Group A.
  • Speaking of blameF, his Complexity team are currently 3-0. They bashed Astralis against a wall, and Astralis have been pretty good themselves.
  • One team who haven't been very good, is FaZe Clan. They haven't won a map yet in six attempts. They got 16-4'd on their own map pick against an out-of-sorts fnatic. Something is wrong.
  • In NA, Chaos smashed Gen.G even without steel. We've no idea what happened here. Especially as they then got battered by 100T.
  • Triumph are 0-4 in maps, but that's kind of unfortunate. They've actually looked okay, and it was BnTeT who bailed out Gen.G, and they came close to taking a map off FURIA. The second map, though...
  • If you're really desperate to see how G2 ended up 2-2, or how 100T are somehow 1-2 after smashing Chaos, you can see the standings for yourself.

Multiple coaches allegedly used the bug

According to a report by DeKay, at least fifteen other coaches have been found to have abused the coaching bug. No names have been revealed, but the final report by the ESIC will include these coaches. Whether or not they will be punished will be handled at that point in time as well. Guess we're going to see a boom in VALORANT coaches.

The coaching bug has had a heavy impact on the scene, and we'd give you a TLDR - as per usual - but HLTV took er jerb and, credit where credit's due, summed it all up pretty well, with updates.

Additionally, historical results might even have their pride besmudged by this bug, as ESIC will be looking back four years in the past. All we're going to say is: expect the list to get much, much longer.


Major winning rebrand

  • Even though Gambit aren't that good at Counter-Strike, they do know how to rebrand, setting an example for a number of orgs - looking at you Hellraisers - with their impressive full showcase of their new brand.
  • Okay, imagine this: You sign a player as part of your youth development plan, keeping him in his current team but supporting him outside the server, only to then go ahead and lose against said team. Sound improbable? Well North did just that. Strike the improbable.
  • YeaH have joined the long list of international teams, technically, after they signed American rifler Swisher.
  • grenade.
  • Ever hit 40 kills and still lost that one pug? Well stop complaining, because Brehze once got a staggering 118 kills in a game and still lost.
  • While the bit above might make you think that pros are superhuman, dupreeh shows us they do get frustrated from time to time. Tilting is universal!
  • MIBR squared up against Gambit Youngsters again, with last time being a close affair. This time the Russians finished the job. Легкая игра.
  • The "Retired Players Club" otherwise known as Selectah have announced their lineup, featuring amongst others Edward and oskar. They were so worried about whether or not you could, they didn't stop to think if they should.

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