Sent on
January 22, 2021

Two sets of 20 players for you to research, some disgusting clips from BLAST Premier and ENCE making bizarre moves - right here.

FURIA bring the car-nage (and go out last)

We're going to go out on a limb and suggest that going out last is nearly always a bad thing. Unless you're playing Russian Roulette.

Russian Roulette is not too dissimilar to what it must be like playing, or indeed, supporting FURIA. In fact, without the anchor of an AWP who wants to do such heinous acts as 'staying alive' and 'trying to win clutches', FURIA were free to fly down mid and go out immediately, but with a bang.

With junior out of the picture for this tournament (we're not sure anyone has actually said why?), the sixth man honda was in. And with arT promising that honda would be 'arT 2.0' hopes were high.

And honestly? honda is pretty good. We mean the guy pulled off one of the most outrageous aces we've seen this year. Wait, this... ah you get the point. It was one of three aces he got in his first game against tier one opposition. Three aces on his debut. Maybe an 'I was there' moment...

Alright, they went out, lost both games, yadda yadda. Not important. honda looks good, and FURIA are still just as mad in 2021 as they were in 2020.

Anyway, important stuff.

s1mple lost a map that he went 36-17 in. We were going to do a whole thing about FalleN's debut, how he looked and whether Liquid were the best team in the world yet. There's time for that, but HOLY GOD WHAT IS THIS SHOT FROM S1MPLE?

How on earth do you even let this guy lose the map and the series 2-0 and look him in the eye afterwards, man? We're embarrassed to have to write about it and we're a newsletter.

He must be getting sick of coming second, at this point. Wait, spoiler...

ZywOo went 29-14 in a map win (that's how you do it, NaVi), while (sigh) Astralis beat Evil Geniuses. We really thought for a second that a new year would mean a new start.

NaVi at least managed to beat Complexity playing with JUGi, which is more relief than joy, while Astralis just about snuck past G2. The last game of yesterday was Vitality v Liquid, and you can find the result here - as we're off beauty-sleeping while this game finishes!


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CSPPA look to return us to LAN

Source: Dreamhack. Illustration by NovaH

Guess who's back, back again.

Although this time the CSPPA is not at all shady. Together with ESL and their board of players, the CSPPA has established a new protocol surrounding the safe return to LAN amidst the ongoing pandemic.

Aptly titled the "Return To Lan" protocol, it applies certain measures related to testing before arrival and during stay at an event, safe travel to and from events, procedures for positive test results, but most interestingly and importantly, the creation of a sort of "bubble" for everyone involved in an event.

This would very likely remove the need for social distancing and masks, making the viewing experience more enjoyable.

It's a method that has been used before both in traditional sports and esports, and to great effect, which only makes the probability of us getting a LAN event higher.

Yes that's right, we're getting LAN events again!

Not only can we all agree that this is a good thing for us, the viewers, as online play is getting kinda boring, but this could also be a good thing for the players, who will likely have to play less games and tournaments at the same time, reducing fatigue.

Something that reduces ALL of our fatigue is that Gabe Newell said "CS:GO" in an interview. Oh and he casually mentioned that the Major might be hosted in New Zealand. Read that again.


You can bet on that

On Monday we told you that Midnite is giving you €10 if you place a €20 bet on their platform, but we didn't touch how deep their offering actually goes.

But it goes deep.

If you follow Tier 2 and 3 CS:GO they got you covered, and if you know teams like "Vac Banned" or "Headshot Esports" (no, for real) there might be a nice profit to find for you.

At TL;DR we'll stick to bets we're sure will go through, like "Will North disappoint aizyesque again in 2021?" Someone please put a money-line on that.

Here are some of the other things you CAN bet on at Midnite:

Need more reasons?

Well here's two: You support TL;DR if you do sign up, and Midnite is an officially registered bookmaker in the UK, which means you get speedy withdrawals when you've won a metric ton of cash.


The fake one

Source: Prodigy Agency. Illustration by NovaH

HLTV's top 20 came to a close yesterday, and while we think their list is complete nonsense, we feel we have to at least pretend it's legitimate.

They use stats and trophies and people's actual performances to decide who were the best 20 players of the year. Have you heard anything quite as ridiculous? Where's the room for how much of a baller they are?

s2mple once more fell short of the top spot, losing out to the greatest CSGO prodigy the world has ever seen. In two years at top level CSGO, ZywOo has won the HLTV #1 spot, twice. We couldn't call it between them, and don't envy the job of the person who had to.

If there's one thing to learn from this, it's to stay in school until you're 18. Worked for ZywOo, anyway.

The full, crazy, list is found here. How can you take it seriously when it doesn't even have aizy hamfisted in there for character continuity?

For us, the biggest surprise is that ropz is only 7th. The guy has been phenomenal all year, and while it's hard to put him above the top three, we personally think he's been better than BlameF and NiKo, for example.

Oh, and HEN1 at 16th is amusing given he just got cut, for a relatively unknown guy who doesn't speak the language and a guy named after a car company.


The real one

All this "who is better? s1mple or ZywOo?" is so tiresome. What we want to know is why DeStRoYeR is better than both of them, so thank god we have someone who understands how to rate players

At random, with potentially pointless stats (instead of that """rating""" system that HLTV use) and without any regard for how good they are.

Hell, even Thorin was excited for "aizyesque's list of 2020 ballers".

Find out who is like Ash Ketchum fighting a Charizard, who is like a Yu-Gi-Oh card and who had aizyesque saying 'yas queen' in one of the most bizarre lists of players you've ever seen.

Leave your logic at the door - it won't be needed here.

If that's enough, we've got some wonderful graphics from the talented NovaH to at least bleach your eyes from the poisonous words that stab you in the face.

This is an announcement of an announcement. The actual "2020 ballers" blog drops on Monday.


Out with the old, in with the new

  • A new year is always a good moment to change things up, and GODSENT followed suit. They announced their new, all Brazilian roster with TACO and dead at its helm. Let's all pretend to be shocked.
  • Speaking of God, do you have a moment to talk about the church of- Wait, wrong line. What we meant to say is that this is certainly an (un)holy matchup if we've ever seen one. Thanks for the heads-up to speedreader Olodyn <3.
  • Oh, and last night DeKay dropped a nuke that Twistzz might be heading to FaZe.
  • Yeah, why not? We're missing a zap though.
  • Ex-GODSENT, soon to be FPX, have been spotted training with a beast from a bygone era, chrisJ. Not quite the bench he's used to, but we think it'll do.
  • We recommend you read this great article about the dawn of Astralis and their game against Virtus Pro at ELEAGUE 2017, their first glimmer of what was to come after Magisk. If only...
  • Can we get a round of applause, nay, a standing ovation, for Jeff and Collin over at Liquipedia, for not only keeping up one of the best CS:GO websites around, but also for doing what Valve won't: Letting us know what status is on the RMR Race.
  • Hey you Dust II specialists - yeah, you - use this.
  • According to reports, ENCE is shaping up to look as follows. The most ironic part of that tweet is the fact that it still has #esportsfi in it.
  • That is one expensive skin.
  • EliGE switching to Warcraft 3 e-cyberSports on CSGO modded? (TRUE STORY) (NOT CLICKBAIT)

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