Sent on
February 27, 2023

If you’re bored of laughing at Evil Geniuses, you can probably skip the first story. But you’re also boring. They’re so much fun to laugh at!

Here comes the pain again

Illustration by ANDYJ.

It never rains, but it pours.

You might be getting bored of how [redacted in order to not be blocked by Gmail] Evil Geniuses have become, but it’s just too funny not to keep mentioning.

It’s gotten to the point where they were underdogs against a team coming from Mongolia using a stand-in - though IHC have been impressive in recent months, it’s still a stark reminder of how far EG have fallen.

With a last place finish on the line, EG went out with a whimper.

Overpass was a convincing win for our American friends, but IHC dished out a 16-6 spanking on Nuke to close out the series after taking the opening map. Brehze, the highest paid and supposed best player (though the latter hasn’t been true for some time, really), was completely invisible.

With the fewest frags and the least damage, Brehze was a total non-factor.

As if it wasn’t bad enough, one of the IHC players, Annihilation, gave it the big ‘un after beating them, proclaiming that “I’m happy, but it’s EG”. Which is objectively hilarious, and also totally disrespectful. In an extremely funny way.

Actually it might just be funny.

It’s one thing if s1mple does it. When it’s an IHC player… you’ve hit rock bottom.

Still, the only way is up. As soon as you hit the bottom of the bottle, at least. We respect Vorborg’s honesty, but maybe tweet that on the Twitter Circle instead of publicly. It’s only going to make those baying for your blood hungrier.

Not that they need any fuel. Annihilation just took the piss out of you on broadcast, for crying out loud.


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Karma is a bitch

Illustration by NovaH.

We’ve all heard the adage “karma is a bitch” because it’s usually true. Although normally it takes more time than this.

For context: This was at EPIC.LAN, a UK-based LAN event where the teams sit quite close. Especially in the for-fun intermediate tournament where our story took place. You can imagine this breeds a lot of shit-talking. As if the UK scene needed encouragement for that.

Allow us to set the stage:

The team “25AVG” had to fight back from the brink to force overtime in their BO1 semi-final on Overpass against “ANKARA MESSI”. Where they carried on with the momentum and got themselves matchpoint. It’s an after-plant 2v1 and “Freshness” is holding from Bank. He gets the first but the second trades and hops on the defuse.

But he doesn’t have a kit.

There should still narrowly be time until our hero Faite decides to get up and make a taunting roar. As he sits down, he hits the right arrow key which forced him to look right and get off the defuse. All hope is lost as the instant karma takes effect.

We don’t know why he didn’t have a kit in overtime. What we do know is that the Twitter response was great.

There are clips on the UKCS website as well, so let them know we sent you.


fnatic go 9-20 in opening duels, refuse to elaborate

Illustration by ANDYJ.

When we left you on Thursday, Cloud9 and Outsiders had qualified for playoffs in Group A, with G2 dropping to the ‘mid’ bracket. Naturally, the world’s best team smashed their way past MIBR, before defeating fnatic comprehensively.

Well, sort of. They battered them on Vertigo and Inferno, but bottled their 13-0 Nuke streak to a rampant 2.09 rated nicoodoz. All of their streaks are gone now—except having won two tournaments in a row. They won’t care about Nuke, or 22-0 in maps, or 14-0 in series if they make it three at the end of this month.

In the winner’s game Cloud9 continued to impress in group stages by making Jame have even more deaths than round losses. Just.

That meant that, as predicted, the fun part of Group A was in the ‘Last Chance’ lower bracket.

Eternal Fire had XANTARES on a heater, IHC had eliminated EG, and fnatic had beaten G2 16-4 on Nuke. It was anybody’s game.

EG had let Inferno and Nuke through against IHC and been punished, but then fnatic went and did it too.

Except, they’re a decent team — so just battered the Mongolians anyway.

Eternal Fire were a sterner test for the black-and-orange, with XANTARES dropping a 1.32 rating as fnatic squeaked past the Turks on overtime on Overpass.

On Nuke, fnatic had an average rating of 0.95, lost 20 out of 29 first duels, and had to contend with XANTARES in red-hot 1.30+ form yet again.

Buuuuut none of that matters when you win FOUR clutches. The best among them being this throwback of a spray transfer from KRIMZ at 14-13. Last bullet, last second. That’s the ticket.

fnatic were choking, out-duelled in the early round time and time again. It’s Carlo Ancelotti ball all over again. 4v5, 2v4, 1v2, fnatic just kept winning.

Is it sustainable? No. But f*ck me it’s fun. Roll on Group B.


It just doesn’t feel the same

🔥 Roasted

  • Don’t get us wrong, a win is a win, but we get it when Annihilation says “it’s only EG”.
  • HooXi, at first it might seem mean if B1ad3 tells you you’re a “tier-2, tier-3” IGL, but at least he said you’re evolving pretty fast.
  • Just don’t talk smack to actual pros in your FACEIT game, yeah? You’re bound to get burned.

📈 CS:GO peaks again

👴 Some things never get old

  • Some things like Presidents going at each other like your average friend group. It’s too accurate man.
  • And of course, the classic: random small tournament organisers biffing it on social media.

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