North are back... sort of

Elliott Griffiths
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Illustration by NovaH. Source: Dreamhack, Stephanie Lindgren (1,2) & Adela Sznajder (3)

The world is in a place of severe unrest.

Astralis are rubbish, NaVi are the fourth best CIS team, ZywOo's team don't look great, kennyS doesn't have a team and aizyesque is having to shill for Russian teams and Guatemalan teenagers in tier three.

Wait. Hang on. Do you hear that?

Is that... is that North's entrance music? (which, as we all know, is Bad Decisions by Two Door Cinema Club)

Well, sort of. Kjaerbye, aizy and Gade have coerced b0RUP and a guy called Fessor into creating a new team, that as of yet are unsigned. Largely due to the fact that it would cost a lot of money to buy all of them out of their contracts. North need that money, yo.

Or at least, needed. Bit late now.

It's basically a story of players that used to be really hyped, saw some hard times (namely, played for North) and now the boys are back together for one last job. Think Ocean's Twelve, but if instead of George Clooney you had Nicolas Cage, or something.

We know what you're thinking, though. "This Fessor geezer must be an AWPer, 'cause I don't see no AWPer there", you say, in a grating Cockney accent. Probably. Well, what if we told you that aizy was now primary AWPing?

You'd probably think, like we do, that you're living in aizyesque's fever dream.

Perhaps we all are.

March 25, 2021

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