The Football Manager experience

You get a Russian wonderkid, and you get a Russian kid, and you get a-

Okay, not really, but Falcons get two of them.

Yeah, that’s right, less than a week after a report dropped that Falcons will be signing m0NESY, another one came out that they’ll be signing kyousuke, too.

Well, we guess that Counter-Strike is fucked then.

If you’ll allow us to go the full Frank Lampard for a moment and be a little serious - we actually think this is a good thing. We know everyone is going to be busy wetting themselves over the Saudis and “waaah, more sportswashing!!!” - but just hear us out.

If we didn’t already lose G2 as a top team when NiKo left, the team is now dead and buried with m0NESY gone. Seriously, there’s nothing they can do to save themselves at this point.

And let’s be fair here, m0NESY alone probably isn’t enough to push Falcons all the way to the top given how inconsistent TeSeS can be and how poor Magisk is in the year of our lord 2025.

kyousuke, on the other hand, will supposedly be a needle mover for whichever team he ends up joining. Falcons have always promised a lot, and so far failed to deliver on any of it, and the signings of both m0NESY and kyousuke should change all of that.

We’d say*“will”* but come on, this is Falcons we’re talking about.

Okay, Lampard mode again - It really is about time that Falcons actually do something. 9th-12th place exits really isn’t enough for an organisation that claimed to be in it to win it all, and this team should finally allow them to at least attempt to do that. There is still Vitality to contend with, after all.

Ultimately, this move is good for Counter-Strike. Love them or hate them, you can’t help but feel the loss of G2, but this move should soften that, especially if you’re on the hate side of things.

We do feel sorry for TeSeS, though. Magisk has been crap this year, so he’s the one that should probably be going over TeSeS, but let’s face it, he’s zonic’s boy. At least until the big man gets tired of him like he did dupreeh.

Sorry, MOUZ, but at this point it’s inevitable. Enjoy Jimi while you still can.

Son of Cronus

G2 had to dive into the depths of the Underwold to replace m0NESY.

According to HLTV, G2 are in advanced talks with Monte to bring in hades on loan, filling in for m0NESY, who’s on his way to Falcons very soon.

At first glance, this seems like a very questionable move, in typical G2 fashion.

But is it really? Honestly, we don’t think so.

For starters, anyone G2 signs to replace m0NESY is going to be a straight-up downgrade. Who would've thought replacing the best AWPer in the world would be a tough task?

Bringing hades in on loan gives G2 a solid, experienced AWPer – probably one of the best options they could've realistically landed at this point.

They get to test him out before and during the Major to see if he’s a good fit. If it doesn’t work out, they’re not tied down - they can let him go and explore a much wider market after the Major, where plenty more opportunities will open up.

Sure, G2 could take the high-risk, high-reward route and sign some inexperienced young talent like gr1ks or molodoy. But right now, they’re making the most sensible move, and we get it.

Never thought we'd be saying this about G2.

In the meantime, if the move goes through, it won’t be long before we see hades in action for what will be his first real tier 1 opportunity.

The podcast fans call “unlistenable”

It was a crazy week of transfers, games and rumours, and more importantly, Sam calling Twistzz a prick. For what reason? Honestly, we’re not sure.

Santa baby, put a Major under the tree

Have you been a good boy/girl this year?

Santa Valve has written his list, and it’s time to find out if you’ve been naughty or nice. It’s nearly Counter-Strike Christmas, and it’s coming in the Texas sun.

The naughty/nice list is complete, and it’s public, unlike Santa Claus’. Sidenote, we wish Santa published a naughty/nice list so we knew where we ranked back then. Back 16 months ago.

There are no big shocks in the top eight (or ‘Stage 3’) at the Major, with Vitality, MOUZ, Spirit, Aurora, NAVI, G2, Liquid and The MongolZ. Alright, you can raise an eyebrow at Liquid, given… we’ll get to that in a bit.

That basically means they get to avoid the first two Swiss systems, which is pretty nice.

Eight more teams enter in Stage Two (skipping one Swiss system), with names like Falcons and FaZe being joined by an impressive 3DMAX, VP, paiN, FURIA, MIBR and M80, who finally get some stickers.

That’s nice and all, but the exciting bit is the MRQs, which is basically the RMRs but less saucy. You can find the full list here, but we’ll give you some of the big stories.

Astralis, fnatic, ENCE, and HEROIC are the ‘big’ names in Europe, but we expect GamerLegion to fly through. Jame’s PARIVISION are there, BIG are there sadly, OG are perennially in some sort of qualifier, so it’s hardly surprising to see them. There’s no real stand-out wildcard there.

South America has Legacy, Fluxo and Imperial, with the rest being sort of whatever. The North America one has Complexity, Wildcard and NRG, with a bunch of also-rans. Sorry to be mean, but we’ll care about Marsborne if they qualify.

China has the three teams you’re imagining, with DogEvil taking the fourth spot. That’s actually the name. We’re not messing with you. They have lan and B1NGO you might know, but we’re personally rooting for Roninbaby stickers.

Australia has four teams, but we know FlyQuest will make it. Let’s be honest. Asia has three Mongolian teams and one Indian team, remarkably.

When did Mongolia get so many teams?

The most notable absences are NIP, Spirit Academy (because they can’t be there), and, uh, we’re struggling. Passion UA? ex-Aurora? Something like that.

We’re really excited.

A series of unfortunate events

We said we’d get to Liquid, and we will, but they’re not the only team who’ve ruined a perfectly good pair of underwear here in Bucharest.

Liquid’s 0-3 is obviously absolutely awful, but they’ve not had very much time to prep with siuhy. We’re going to give them a little bit of time, but eesh. That was bloody ugly. You better show us something else soon.

They lost to The MongolZ in an 0-2 game, which says a whole lot about both of them. The MongolZ were not on it in Bucharest, and we’re a little worried for them. This is the sort of event they should be challenging for the trophy at.

They won against FURIA to set up a 2-2 game, but just about fell short of taking down Falcons. We’re not saying that’s a terrible result, but when you get schooled by the AWPer who’s on his way out… maybe you shouldn’t do that.

Final note on the teams who went out, on Astralis. That note is: HAHAHAHAH. They beat FaZe to kick off the tournament, but losses to 3DMAX, an 0-2 against Apogee (?) and getting 0-2’d by a VP who were arguing with each other is just rubbish.

God it’s good to see Astralis lose over and over. It’s like when Man United lose.

Complexity are the big story in the teams who qualified, as they flew through 3-1, somehow. They only lost to G2, beating Falcons, FURIA and FaZe. They are serious wins, and we can’t downplay that no matter how hard we try.

hallzerk has been on a tear, but somehow Grim ended the group stage with a higher rating, and cxzi wasn’t far behind. They’re… just kinda good? We’re not sure how, but they can play.

3DMAX grinded out three wins, and we say that because their round difference is only +8, despite being 3-0. They’re horrible to play against, and find ways to win in games that aren’t pretty, but they rarely blow teams away.

We would not want to play against them.

GamerLegion, Aurora, FaZe, VP and Falcons make up the rest of the playoffs, which is all about in line what they would have hoped for. Some of them were dicey, but the destination matters more than the journey.

That leaves us with a banger Friday. Four (!) quarter-finals in one day, starting at 9AM CET and ending sometime around 9PM CET: GamerLegion v Falcons, 3DMAX v FaZe, Complexity v Aurora and G2 v Virtus.pro.

If you only have time to watch one, we’d go with one of the first two. GamerLegion are LEGIT, and Falcons aren’t yet but have the star power to overcome a plucky upstart. FaZe Clan are always worth watching, and 3DMAX are very interesting.

👑 Day of the donk

🤬 Malding Moments

😂 Going too far

This TL;DR was written by aizyesque, shoko, AN1MO and macc.
Welshy coded the email and Crash_ copy edited.

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