Astralis just can’t help themselves.

It’d been a few weeks since Astralis had done something to make everyone hate them, so of course they had to go and break the rules to sign the guy two of their players stabbed in the back on HEROIC.

We mentioned on Sunday that they might have broken the rules, and it seems pretty likely that they did - even if BLAST said they have ‘no reason’ to suspect Astralis lied about br0 being sick (Twitter users have declared an outbreak of ‘br0vid-19’, hilariously).

Lads, his agent said he wasn’t sick. He’s apparently trialling with ENCE in the meantime. Oh, and six of the other IGLs at the event went on strike during media day by also pretending to be ill.

Are we supposed to believe they all simultaneously got ill for a day?

The only IGLs who showed up to media day were cadiaN, obviously, and chopper, who seems like enough of a dinosaur that he doesn’t have a phone to check the WhatsApp group.

Was it worth it, Astralis? P*ssing everyone off? Telling the whole world that br0 and ruggah were both ‘unfit to play’?

Well… no, not even remotely.

They got absolutely goobed by Team Vitality in cadiaN’s first game, to the point that they didn’t win a single T-side round in the entire series. They got 13-0’d on Inferno and lost 13-4 on Dust 2.

Yeah, good job lads. Well worth it. Nobody on their team got more than 15 kills in the series. Three players were below 50 ADR, four below 50 ADR on T side. Nobody had more than 7 T side kills.

Luckily for them, they came up against donk in the lower bracket.

Originally, we intended for that line to be really sarcastic, but in fairness, he was effectively muted on map one as Astralis steamed to victory; but as he so often does, he posted a 1.76 on map two and zont1x and sh1ro picked up the slack on map three.

Good work, Astralis. You got romped by Vitality and lost to Spirit with donk not even playing well.