Why are you here?! Did you not read the sign?

Well, it’s too late now. You’ve crossed the point of no return.

Unfortunately, you’ve now entered a realm where the CS is so catastrophically bad it’s only rivaled by the chaos of our own weekend PUGs.

We’ll do our best to make it as painless as possible. See you on the other side.

Stage 1 of the Austin Major is still underway, but the first pair of teams have already been sent packing without a single win to their name. The teams that pulled off such feat were Fluxo and Metizport – which, honesly, isn’t much of a surprise.

It’s no coincidence that 80% of Pick’ems had Fluxo finishing 0-3. Just look at their lineup. You can’t expect much from a team whose most notable players are arT and kye.

The first two games told the full story, as Fluxo couldn’t even crack double digits in their losses to FlyQuest and Complexity.

In the eliminating BO3, they faced a legitimate contender for the title of worst team at the Major. Fluxo and Chinggis Warriors went head-to-head in a painfully rough series, though it still didn’t quite reach the lows of NIP vs. AMKAL. In the end, the ‘MongolZ at home’ proved to be the less terrible team, taking the Nuke decider and surviving to fight another day.

In the other 0-3 spot sits the Swedish squad, whose performance was surprisingly poor. Not because anyone expected them to advance or anything close to that, but because we at least thought they could win a map.

Metizport managed to win a grand total of five rounds in their opening BO1s against Wildcard and TYLOO, setting the stage for what was a complete disaster of a Stage 1. Across the four maps they played, they only broke the five-round mark once. That’s just catastrophic.

Their final BO3 against Imperial brought the inevitable result: Metizport managed to push the first map of Nuke into OT but then quickly crumbled with a 13-2 loss on Dust2.

To be fair, what can you expect when L00m1 is your AWPer? Okay, maybe that’s a bit harsh, as no one on this team posted a rating anywhere near competitive. The highest across their four maps was adamb’s abysmal 0.87. At least they’ve got someone else to root for.

Okay, we’re all done. Good, you made it through in one piece. See, that wasn’t so bad.