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GUIDES
Simple Radar
© 2026 TLDR Media, All Rights Reserved.
Just set the Geiger counter off already
Wildcard are being Wildcard again, and we’ve had enough of it.
At least there’s IEM Cologne to provide us with joy, otherwise this edition may have been nuclear.
So, IEM Cologne Stage 1 has come to an end, as has Complexity and MIBR’s time in Germany.
Nothing new there then.
Seriously, those teams are awful right now, and that’s all you’ll get out of us regarding them.
Also exiting the competition in Stage 2 was FlyQuest, VP, TYLOO, paiN, BIG, and B8. Obviously, we won’t be talking about a couple of those teams either (you already know why) but we do have mixed thoughts on some of the others.
For TYLOO, it’s really nothing to panic about. They just won a million-dollar event. We can forgive them for a touch of complacency, even if it means we’re not going to get to see more of JamYoung and Jee.
As for FlyQuest, we’re actually going to be nice for once – we know, we don’t like it either. We didn’t think they looked bad here. It’s going to take some time to truly bed jks into the team, but the firepower upgrade was clear, and we think they’ll actually look like a reasonable team in a few months’ time.
VP, though… it’s just never going to work, is it?
Perfecto might have added some balance to the team, but let’s be real for a second, ICY just isn’t up the scratch, and neither is electroNic’s calling for that matter. We could’ve just have easily written our final story about VP, but you’ll understand why we didn’t when you get there.
And paiN? Well paiN we’re disappointed by.
They looked great at the Major, so we hope this is just a bump in the road for them, but they weren’t great at FISSURE Playground either. Their slipping form is something to keep an eye on, for sure.
On the upside, HEROIC seem to have gotten themselves a real player in gr1ks.
He might not be on the SunPayus level, not yet at least, but he’s solid. And for a team in HEROIC’s position, that’s really all they need to eventually make even more money from their ever-changing team.
That said, the jury’s still out on nilo, but he’s taken a big break, so we’ll let him off for now. Clock’s ticking though, mate.
GamerLegion also seem to be around a similar level with Kursy, so that’s a positive sign, whilst broky has also returned in decent form for FaZe. Nice.
But the main positive is NIP, who continue to impress now that they’re actually getting to play at LAN events. Recently bolstered by the addition of xKacpersky from ENCE, the young Pole impressed in Stage 1. he was the ninth highest-rated player with a 1.25 across five maps. Given how bad arrozdoce was doing, that’s a huge firepower upgrade.
Of course, it will still take them some time to become a real threat, but they look legitimately good. And that’s more than we’ve been able to say about NIP for a long time.
A long, long time.
Novah ditched us for something totally unimportant, so we’ve subbed him out for the legendary STYKO, who’s teaming up with Sam for this week’s episode. He’s serving up some of the spiciest takes we’ve ever heard on Overtime on Inferno.
Do you remember what you were doing at 17?
Well, we certainly don’t. But we definitely weren’t playing CS at the highest level on one of the biggest stages in the world.
Not because we don’t have the skill, of course. We just didn’t put the time in…
The big boys have arrived at IEM Cologne 2025 to kick off Stage 2, and with them the much-anticipated debuts of the game’s hottest prospects, as kyousuke, makazze, and zweih all got their first taste of tier one CS.
And they made it count.
Falcons, NAVI, and Spirit all walked away with wins in their opening matchups against GamerLegion, FaZe, and HEROIC, respectively. Each rookie held their own. Well, almost all of them.
Falcons were the only team with their second game scheduled on day two, facing off against Major finalists The MongolZ for a spot in the Playoffs. And let’s just say, it didn’t go nearly as well as their opener.
Unless your name is kyousuke. The kid tore through the opposition like a seasoned vet, but his team just couldn’t keep up. Hard to win when no one can hit their shots.
If only they had another star-player…
In a totally shocking and unexpected turn of events… Vitality destroyed everyone. Again.
They extended their BO3 win streak to 36, breezing into the Playoffs with back-to-back sweeps over Astralis and G2. Honestly, it’s getting kind of boring. Could you guys start trolling a bit? Just for fun?
While Vitality and The MongolZ cruised into the Playoffs, Astralis and GamerLegion cruised straight to the airport after lackluster performances. And calling Astralis’ showing “lackluster” is being generous - which we usually aren’t when it comes to them.
They got demolished in their elimination game against FURIA. HooXi ended up their top performer… with a 0.59 rating. Astralis won a grand total of seven rounds across the two maps. Sound familiar?
To wrap up the first two days of action, Group B’s remaining opening matches saw MOUZ make quick work of Liquid, while Aurora had to fight hard against NIP to come out on top.
Overall, it’s been a strong start to Stage 2 at IEM Cologne, with the promise of even more heat as the week rolls on.
Who are we kidding?
Vitality are going to sweep this entire thing in the most dominant way possible, and there’s nothing these young guns can do about it.
At least, not yet…
Given her line of work, we probably shouldn’t be surprised to see Wildcard co-owner, Amouranth, f–cking something.
Still, considering that recent law that was put into place in the UK, we didn’t expect Counter-Strike to be where we found our content now…
Either way, it seems this horrendous Wildcard saga still isn’t over, and we’re tired of it. So, sorry Wildcard, you’re off to the Glue Factory.
In case you need to be caught up, here’s a quick recap of events so far:
First off, they bench stanislaw and phzy, replacing them with Peeping and fr3nd. Then, in an interview with HLTV, Sonic stated his intention to leave. More recently, susp has benched himself looking to move to somewhere that isn’t a walking corpse, and to replace him, they’ve reinstated stanislaw, but not before asking phzy to IGL.
Right.
Now look, we make it clear over here at TLDR that we have very little time for the bitching and moaning of the NA CS degenerates, but for once, we actually get it. And we even feel sorry for you?
In the space of a few weeks, Wildcard, a somewhat likable team that was a shoo-in for Major qualification, has become a dumpster fire. Ripped apart by some form of crack-smoking management that the players have openly spoken out against on multiple occasions.
We really just don’t get it. Sure, the old Wildcard team was never going to achieve anything of note, but were they really meant to? What’s the goal for this current team? Avoid embarrassment? Have fun doing so, Derby County 07/08.
Of course, bringing stanislaw back into the fold gives us some more optimism than we had previously, but come on, he’s not a miracle worker. He’ll do well to keep this team above the level of Marsborne.
And if we barely know who Marsborne are, believe us, you don’t need to know who they are at all.
It’s just been a string of seriously baffling decisions coming out of that organisation of late, and honestly? They kinda just piss us off. There’s nothing worse than a team that isn’t even trying, just look at how we treat Complexity, MIBR, and VP.
The worst part is that we already know exactly how the next five months of the year will go. They’ll miss out on invites, struggle domestically trying to fight for qualification slots, and then when they tumble down the VRS rankings, ultimately miss out on the Major.
There’s only one way they go at that point, and it will be out of the proverbial door they’ve already firmly lodged one foot in.
What a crying shame.
