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GUIDES
Simple Radar
© 2026 TLDR Media, All Rights Reserved.
The Danes are pillaging Sweden
quacke has figured out why phzy is terrible now, and he’s not happy about it.
Also, there’s a banger event on in China that no one can watch because of timezones, and AN1MO quite literally f-cking died in this week’s podcast episode.
5star, we were so close to greatness.
After an embarrassing start to the event, getting pounded by 9z, we’ll admit we quickly wrote off 5star as yet another whipping boy. Don’t lie, you did as well. You’re not that smart.
But life is not about how many times you get knocked down, it’s about getting up as many times as you do - and 5star picked themselves up, dusted themselves down and knocked the greatest team to ever come from their country out of the tournament.
That’s all well and good, but derbies always bring up freak results. Astralis were next up, and Astralis are just so reli- ah. Sir. A second 5star win has hit the Playground.
clouden, who had done basically nothing in either of their other series, put in a match-winning performance to sink Astralis and put 5star one game from playoffs, against G2, who are famously susceptible to the most nonsensical losses of all time.
This fairytale, though, had no happy ending. Like Goldilocks. That trespasser deserved to have her hands cut off.
G2 sadly put them to the sword and squirmed into the top six, where they will face FURIA in a banger. Some will call it a lop-sided bracket again.
It’s us. We’re some.
KSCERATO did everything he could, going 26-13 on Ancient, and still losing to Legacy. molodoy must have missed his alarm or something, ‘cause that brother was fast asleep all day. Just like that little criminal Goldilocks in the three bears’ beds.
MIBR lost to the BetBoom superteam, who for some reason don’t seem to be struggling without FL4MUS. d1Ledez is, bizarrely, playing quite well, which seems entirely unsustainable, but fun while it lasts.
Alliance played their little hearts out to overturn TYLOO in two tight maps, and then magic in one tight map and one easy one. There’s something to be said for just being reliable and solid throughout and stepping up heavy in the late, close rounds, and we respect it.
The Swedes got to the big rounds, and won when it mattered. That’s what Counter-Strike is all about, and they’re rewarded with a playoffs spot.
Well, that, and people with silly names like ‘bobeksde’ carrying his team. You don’t get that in football.
Everyone loves opening cases, so Valve had to ruin them by making them those miserable terminals. Of course, you could still buy old cases and open those at extortionate prices, but why line the pockets of Valve if they can’t be f-cked to even make a working anti-cheat?
Fortunately, our friends at Razed have the solution for this, so get yourselves on razed.io by using our referral link and get three free cases upon sign-up!
Okay, we get it, FURIA vs G2 is definitely the real final and definitely shouldn’t be taking place in the quarters, but look - you just gotta win your f-cking games, lads.
It should be fun, though, and with G2 being noticeably better after r1nkle, and FURIA being noticeably worse after the turn of the year, it’s anyone’s guess as to who will win it.
But, to be honest, we’re far more excited for MIBR vs Alliance.
Not just because MIBR are doing their little Brazilian-team-is-momentarily-enjoyable thing (f-ck you, paiN) but because we actually really do just like Alliance.
Unlike Polish CS, which can happily stay dead, there’s always fun to be found in a Swedish revival, and Alliance are arguably doing more than that.
They’re very likely going to be at the next Major, without their best player from the first half of the year, and they have twist as their IGL.
What’s not to love?
Add in the fact that MIBR are still, for some reason, led by a Swede themselves, and this has all the makings of a good game of Counter.
The winner of that match will then go on to face Legacy, where, let’s face it, both teams will likely lose.
As for G2 and FURIA, they’ll go on to play BetBoom, and while we like BetBoom, it’s panic stations for either of those teams if they lose that one.
This week on Overtime on Inferno, Quacke is joined by one of Counter-Strike’s finest stat experts, Btrams.
Our special guest dons a tin foil hat as he digs into why HLTV awarded donk the BLAST Porto MVP instead of sh1ro. A decision that doesn’t exactly make sense when you look at how the MVP for Rotterdam was handled.
“What’s wrong with phzy right now?” people have been asking me for the last couple of weeks. Not without reason; before FISSURE his fall season average was bad enough to make you think he wasn’t the next JW, but the next broky.
I’ve been mulling over a few Astralis demos recently, trying to answer that question, desperately trying to prove to myself that I am biased towards Sweden, and phzy actually has been crap.
But let me tell you, in the games I’ve watched, the man does nothing wrong.
It’s all HooXi’s fault.
I personally hate the term “support AWPer”. It’s a made-up word invented solely to avoid admitting your favourite AWPer is rubbish. But phzy might genuinely be the closest thing to one I’ve seen in a while, and it sucks.
On the CT-side of Ancient, every single round where phzy’s not holding an AWP, he is the most steadfast and loyal A anchor you’ve ever seen. When given the AWP, it’s rare that he’s allowed to go for an opening pick.
It happens, and he usually delivers, but far more often he’s resigned to holding the most stale angle you could imagine, waiting for the T-side to maybe, just maybe, walk into his crosshair. Even on yesterday’s Inferno against 5star, I watched and wept as phzy played several rounds on the A defence without even firing a shot, either being forced to save or dying in an unwinnable 2v4 retake.
But the most egregious part is the T-side.
phzy spends the first 30 seconds of every round throwing grenades for Staehr, Ryu, and Jabbi to take map control. I’d be fine with this if his teammates actually found opening frags consistently. They do not.
And almost never is phzy even allowed the chance, despite the fact that he delivers on it with far more consistency. In fact, HooXi and NEO know how good he is at finding openings, because they very consciously use it as a little trick up their sleeve.
The one time phzy’s allowed to go for a mid pick early on is, without fault, the final round of every single T-side. The fact they know how well it works and use it as a party trick rather than to win rounds makes it feel as if they’re mocking me.
Add to it that HooXi seems to be a major whinger as well, and I can’t wait for him to be gone.
phzy still has the stuff, and he will bounce back once he’s rid of these clowns. But I shouldn’t have expected anything different; leave it to the Danish to try to stop Swedish glory at every turn.
The joke’s on them, though; we’ve had a leg up since 1658. Scoreboard.
